From the sauna shed to prison

Hi Brethren, as you’ve possibly guessed, this isn’t going to be a weekly blog. Not without trying I must add as since the last time I wrote I’ve really had a bad spell of misfortune, and this is the first time I’ve managed to put pen to paper (well, keys to word processor really...). First, my senior manager informed me that Brother John’s suggestion to incentivise the staff with Brethren doctrine was against company regulations, so brought back the previous employees and put me on gardening leave. I tried to look on the bright side that I could spend more time at the Sanctuary while investigations were pending, but then I was rightfully informed by Brother Matthew’s boots that I had brought the Brethren name into disrepute. It was all my fault for letting Brother John look after the office in the first place, as who would trust Brother John. Which is totally reasonable - what was I thinking? I deserved to be sent to the sauna shed for my actions, for what felt like weeks. From the visits from my Brethren buddy I gauged that I had missed a lot – that the Oracle had predicted Judgement Day for starters. And on the night that Brother Norman was found out to be a secret NO I was finally let out of the sauna shed along with the other occupants, partly because they had to make room for the former printing and merchandise staff, as well as helping to burn down the buildings. It was a long night setting them alight, especially as the fire brigade kept showing up, so we kept having to wait until the fire was out and they left to reconvene. After the third time though, the police was also called out in order to apprehend this supposed arsonist who kept setting the place alight. So I was elected for the role and to give myself up as the culprit. I did start to protest that a criminal record wouldn’t help my case at work, but Brother Matthew calmly informed me that they would sort this out later. I don’t know what was most shocking, being arrested or that this great man was not able to fully express himself in front of the authorities. So, here I sit in my cell, and I have to say it’s not been that bad. For starters those Tory newspapers must be right; prisons are far too relaxed. I’ve felt more freedom banged up than I even do in the Sanctuary, and that’s a paradise. Also, quite a lot of the inmates seem to know a lot about the Oracle. Not from his wise teachings, but from his numerous false convictions. I do realise that I am surrounded by NOs’ though; they are prisoners after all, and not wrongly accused like myself and the Oracle. So, I do take their stories about the Oracle selling his body for cigarettes with a pinch of salt.